Polyethylene nightmare

I hate plastic straws as much as the next eh… Democrat.

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Or rather I thought I did. But I’ve recently decided that I hate the alternatives even more. On a personal level, he hastened to add… insofar as they subtract from the fleetingly pleasurable experience of ingesting some overpriced, carcinogen loaded beverage (I use the frequency of which I consume these as a benchmark* to gauge how well I am succeeding in life)

* I feel its important to have a consistent metric.

Worst of the offenders are those frustratingly short lived (in terms of structural integrity) paper straws. The fact that I still have to poke it through a plastic lid and into a plastic lined paper cup feels particular senseless.

When I rule the world… as a benevolent theocrat (the official religion will be deemed to be Fundamental Joeyism) I will endeavor to ban all single use plastics. I mean why should straws be singled out? This doesn’t seem even remotely equitable. I mean if we are going to grade offenders from bad to worst… I’m almost convinced (gut feel) that straws are not the most heinous delinquent on the list. Worse than plastic shopping bags and those… beer holder thingies?

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Of course we ban the Polyethylene… because… we can’t ban the humans from being irresponsible asshats and taking some ownership for their wayward trash. Not me of course… *Joey wonders vaguely whether now is a good time to pivot into self-righteousness or hypocrisy* He without sin cast the first… eh… tightly wound ball of bubble-wrap.

I after all have occasioned to be… less than stellar… in my disposal of single use plastics. So really, I am just the like proletariat I like to rage about. Which sucks…

I plan on being better though. At some yet to be determined future date. Future Joey is awesome. A paragon of his kind. (Some might even whisper he is destined for sainthood)

 

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