Project : Yeard


Kratos, when he hears about your plan to grow out your beard

15.01.2019 – I’ve decided to grow a… Yeard. Which is apparently jargon for a years worth of beard growth. It might only end up being a half-yeard. Depending on how irritated I get. Apparently its something every guy should do at least once in his life.

01.03.2019 – Looking very scruffy, but gotten past the terrible itchy phase. I have however taken a trimmer to my whiskers in order to get this burgeoning neck-beard under control. Not sure I’ve done a very good job. Difficult to judge symmetry yourself. In any event, it is what it is.

14.03.2019 – Can’t believe how gray I’ve gotten. Methuselah be thy name. More or less the three month mark.

27.03.2019 – Finally decided to go to the barber and get a proper trim and a straight razor head shave (always nice)


Me. Post trim. Beard power.

I’ve decided I want to be a barber when I grow up. All they seem to do is smoke copious amounts of marijuana, listen to heavy metal and talk shit all day (about becoming marijuana farmers). This seems like a most excellent profession (the barber I mean), less convinced about growing dope for a living.

There are some things you don’t necessarily want to hear your barber saying before taking a straight razor to your melon though. ‘Dude, I am so blazed’, is definitely among them.

29.03.2019 – ‘You’re like the monster from Stranger Things now’, my wife at breakfast. Wait… What? ‘In terms of tentacles… your beard is like that monsters face’. I try look offended… it’s diffict since I have bits of runny sunny side up all over my face… I concede the point and reach for a napkin. Eating certain foods is definitely… eh… more challenging these days


7 thoughts on “Project : Yeard

  1. Actually, you DO want to hear your barber say that. Because you know it will be perfect. What you don’t want to hear is the person cooking your food saying that…. because they’ll put salad dressing on waffles and think it tastes amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. When I was in China, I ate raw horse meat. That was probably the weirdest thing I’ve eaten. Oh and fried chicken testicles… which… according to my host at the time would improve my virility. Wasn’t stoned either time. Which… I think makes me a bit of a food slut. Ie I’ll eat anything

        Liked by 1 person

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