Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

Deadly peanut

Have you ever, or would you ever, attempt an emergency tracheostomy?


Hmm. I’m not particularly squeamish so I’d probably take a stab at it. (if there was a danger that death was exceptionally imminent and no one else was stepping up to the breach I mean). I’ve always been of the opinion that what I lack in skills I make up for in enthusiasm.

In the ‘for’ column I’d like to submit many (hellish) hours spent languishing on the sofa watching Greys Anatomy. A punishment I endured as the archetypal boyfriend in the hope it would (later on) get my thing wet. I’d like to think this time wasn’t wasted and that I now appreciate at least the basic precepts of your run-of-the-mill medical procedures. I feel I also have a pretty good idea about the general vicinity in which to perforate a temporary airway. Just like in Real estate its probably all about location, location, location.

I also come standard with many sharp accoutrements (of questionable hygienic value) that can act as as entry tool. Although, in all, honesty post laceration I would be loathed to use my MontBlanc to facilitate oxygenation. So unless someone is willing to loan me a cheap ballpoint you’re probably going to die there. Perhaps we should do a quick inventory of writing implements before going directly to the puncture wound? I wouldn’t want for this to get awkward.

Maybe we should ALSO do a quick frisk for an EpiPen and not necessarily (with morbid fervor) opt for the most invasive recourse right off the bat?

Fuck it.

Hand me that spork. I’m going in.