Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Daily Journal, Satire

Not an IED.

I only recently learned what a IUD was. (the things I will admit to) Yeah… my knowledge of female reproductive health (which is likely typical of my gender) is apparently quite dismal.

‘Wait… so you put this t-shaped thing wrapped in copper wire up into your lady bits… and that stops you from getting pregnant?’

‘Basically’

*Jo looking horrified*  ‘Jesus… that sounds a bit medieval’.

I think its the wrapped in copper wire thing that concerned me. I sorta envisioned a solenoid… or an electromagnet… grafted onto… one of those plastic t-pieces you might use to connect three pieces of garden hose.

t piece.jpg

‘And that’s… inside you… like permanently? 

‘Yeah’

The next thought that occurred to me was… what exactly is the percentile chance that your penis gets snagged on this thing? Vigorous shaking may after all, un-spool the wire, creating a somewhat hostile environment in which to go spelunking…

(I think I just proved, perhaps once and for all, how shallow I actually am)

Of course if there was ANY actual danger to male genitalia this thing would have been banned AGES ago. The patriarchy looks after its own. I take comfort in that.

Still… I can’t believe that this is where we are at in terms of female reproductive health in the year of our lord twenty nineteen

I mean we have flying cars. And mile high black skyscrapers.

027_blade_runner_theredlist.0.jpg

Ok, sadly Bladerunner got a couple things wrong about the dystopian future of 2019.

But we do have iPhones and a… eh… work-in-progress notion about colonizing Mars. Surely not getting knocked up should be an easier problem to solve, you know, that doesn’t involve splicing together bits from Home Depot?

Of course I’m just making stuff up. Maybe it is REALLY difficult? Like curing cancer difficult. Or… *thinks* making the perfect sunny side up egg, thats pretty hard. Although now that I think about it, poached eggs, where you have to swirl the water, is harder. Maybe that should be my go-to analogy…

I also think this means I’m a feminist now.

In a lip service, put it on my facebook profile, virtue signalling kinda way. *raises his fist* Solidarity and stuff. Yo.

I can’t believe your lives are so… inconvenient. I mean I imagine this is not a do-it-yourself kinda insertion?

Having now imagined that, I don’t really know how to move on from there.

So maybe I’ll just leave it there.

 

 

…How about them Mets.

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