Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

13 rules for life

Rule #1

My new goal is to gather a dozen (and one) aphorisms, collate them into something vaguely gospel-ish and then tour the world preaching my self-improvement philosophy/racket.

I think I would quite like to be paid (lots of) money to drone on about the 13 secret techniques of Fundamental Joey-ism, a layman’s guide to navigating your pointless existence with alacrity … if only you mf’ers will buy my book.

Maybe I should also do a podcast/Youtube channel… since basically EVERYONE with more than ten followers on any social media platform feels the need to bleat on about everything other than their niche area of expertise with a sense of assertiveness that might presuppose a serious mental disorder and/or rampant, untreated hubris.

Also I don’t want to be left out. I feel I can do egomania as well as the next ignorant monkey. See previous 500 posts about various subject matter in which I proceed to lay out (and then solve) all the worlds problems. Why I have not yet been canonized and prefixed with the honorific ‘Saint’ (Joey) is a matter of some some consternation to me…

In any event…

As rules for life go. This one seems like a pretty good opener. Possibly on par with White 1.e4.


People on the internet are a suspicious bunch. Except me… obviously. There is definitely something wrong with the rest of you though. Broadly this covers, not sending people pictures of your junk. And being skeptical when someone in Nigeria wants to wire you your inheritance. Although… now that I think about it, sending someone who wants to wire you your inheritance a close up of your blemished and unshaven scrotum is probably a permissible exercise. In fact this would likely solve one of the worlds biggest problems… negative reinforcement 101. It would take more willpower than I can imagine to continue with a career path that meant sending out 10,000 solicitous emails and getting ten thousand unsightly testes in return.

I think it is likely also acceptable to swap out low hanging gonads for an unkempt pudding hatch, should you, obviously, not be the proprietor of such gear…



  1. tara caribou

    July 15, 2019 at 7:49 am

    Wait…. are you saying I SHOULDN’T email nudes of myself?!?!!

    1. Jo

      July 15, 2019 at 7:53 am

      I’d like to point out that I have gotten exactly zero nude from you.

      1. tara caribou

        July 15, 2019 at 7:54 am

        I’d like to point out that you’ve never asked.

      2. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 7:57 am

        Really? Thats a thing? Ask and you shall receive?

      3. tara caribou

        July 15, 2019 at 7:58 am

        Yep. I think that’s more polite than just randomly sending someone pics and them not expecting it and them not being able to ever erase said images from their fragile and holy minds.

      4. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 8:03 am

        Lol. True. Sending someone an unsolicited five minute mp4 where the action cuts off because you have go find burn gel… can alter the nature of the relationship.

      5. tara caribou

        July 15, 2019 at 8:22 am

        ….theoretically speaking, of course…

      6. tara caribou

        July 15, 2019 at 7:54 am

        That said… I meant, were you saying I should NOT email cyber-people nudes? Is that bad?

      7. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 7:57 am

        I… actually have no idea. I’m sure there exists a fair amount of home made pornography out there that stars me… so really, It would be hypocritical of me to suggest a course of action I myself have not followed…

      8. tara caribou

        July 15, 2019 at 7:59 am

        Uhhh can I have some of those homemade pornographys?????

      9. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 8:04 am

        I would send it to you. But I deleted my stash a long time ago. Monogamy and stuff. If I ever find it out there… I’ll link you. Ha ha.

      10. tara caribou

        July 15, 2019 at 8:23 am

        Ahhh. I know some couples have an understanding when it comes to sex. 🤷🏼‍♀️

      11. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 8:26 am

        I’m on the straight and narrow now. Sex is for making babies. And then only in the dark… with our clothes on… in missionary position.


      12. jim-

        July 15, 2019 at 12:28 pm

        Not sure what’s missing Tara, but Jo asks me for nudes all the time.

      13. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 12:35 pm

        And… if you consider all the stuff I’ve sent you… there has been ZERO reciprocation. I don’t even know why we are still ‘friends’.

      14. jim-

        July 15, 2019 at 12:57 pm

        Mine is all in black and white shot from various outdoor locations with a certain tattooed Ethiopian woman I secreted on occasion. I was sparing you having to make a life change.

      15. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 1:39 pm

        Well… your president would like to send all non-pale skinned phenotypes back from whence they came from… which as far as I can tell might be New Jersey (shudder) I would suggest caution interacting with the ‘Auslander’.

      16. jim-

        July 15, 2019 at 1:45 pm

        Wouldn’t it be incredible to embrace all those differences and cultures in their native traditions here in the USA? Panama is close to that where variety is celebrated. Very colorful, from the houses to the dress. It’s becoming very monochrome, our world.

      17. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 1:57 pm

        Personally I quite like diversity (and cultural appropriation). Eventually… on a long enough time line humanity will all a homogeneous mass anyway (and probably speaking Chinese) [subtitled in Spanish]…

        I’ve tried understanding nationalism for ages now. I just don’t get it.

      18. jim-

        July 15, 2019 at 2:02 pm

        It’s a propagated power play over people. You understand now? Now wave the flag Jo… divide with pride

      19. Jo

        July 15, 2019 at 2:05 pm

        I’m on the side of the most delicious ethnic food… based on cuisine, for example, some countries should definitely be banned!

      20. jim-

        July 15, 2019 at 2:15 pm

        It’s like religion. Eat it long enough and you get used to it. Then bland is boss.

      21. tara caribou

        July 15, 2019 at 7:02 pm

        Ahhhh okay. I’m sorry for you.

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