Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

Oh to die in an Uber

I gave my Uber driver a one star rating today. This is the first time I’ve ever done something so vicious. In my defense he totally deserved it… at least this is what I tell myself.

As I heft my plus size carcass into the back seat (with an audible grunt) and buckle up he casually asks me if there is a filling station around here that I know about. I arch an eyebrow at him and after some consideration he thinks better of it and decides we have enough juice for our short sojourn. (spoiler alert, we didn’t).

We shoot the breeze, Corona-virus, World War Z, which is not a movie I’ve seen, so I smile and pretended to know how this is analogous to the soon to be pandemic. I glean that he is a half glass empty kinda guy and that the end will soon be nigh.

Coasting along on fumes we lose power just as we crest a hill, which I suppose is lucky, in a way, because we have just enough forward momentum to get us over the rise which means that he can (and does) free-wheel all the way down the other side.

This does however mean we have to go through a red light because if we’d stopped it would have been game over, he opens his window though, hangs out, and gestures at the oncoming traffic in a manner that might suggest he is apologizing or having a stroke… I text my wife. (as one does)

We pick up speed going down the hill. Weeee. And over take a truck travelling in the slow lane. Oh to die in a Toyota corolla I think to myself. Not at all how I imagined it going.

There’s a filling station at the bottom of the hill which he arcs into at any alarming angle and then slams on brakes in front of the pump. ‘God is with me’, he proclaims jumping out and cheerfully conversing with the attendant.

I am not so sure.

I am also perplexed because this puts me in a very awkward position. I want/need to maintain my five star rating. But I’d also like to voice my concerns about Sipho (4.72 stars) and his clearly lackadaisical attitude towards vehicular sustenance and you know… living.

We finish our trip. Its a cordial goodbye. Although I don’t tip. Another first.

All I can think about is how my perfect five star score is in now in massive jeopardy. Damn. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and tipped him. Principle can’t be worth this mental anguish…


1 Comment

  1. Over Soil


    In my defence I know t’Internet and the implications, therefore only in person I might be willing to whisper, but here I couldn’t possibly be enticed into sharing my reactions to other drivers. Only the expression “That’ll learn ’em!” comes to mind.

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