Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

Time for gains

I ate scrambled eggs and trout for breakfast. And washed it down with a steaming hot mug of bone broth. I am now so desperate to add some dietary yin to my yang that I’m eating chocolate chips out of the box, pilfered from my wives baking cupboard. This is literally the only ‘bad’ stuff I could find in the domicile of the Jo. She’s going to shout at me later. But I’m a edibles-desperado at this point. When questioned later under the gestapo lights I will feign ignorance… well at least initially. Before, begging for mercy. Or blaming the Basset hound. It could go either way. While they may seem lethargic, under that comical exterior lies a devious cunning comparable to the greatest military minds of antiquity. A Basset hound would have marched elephants across the alps if you’d told him the roads to Rome were lined with cookies.

Today is garbage collection day. The most hallowed of days. Blessed be The filthy Father, may His hallowed receptacles always be upon the curb. I’ve probably mentioned this before, but it really has become the day by which I anchor my weeks. A day that requires ‘action’. Every other day blurs into one as the isolation draws ever onward towards its terminus. (whatever that may be)

That’s not to say the other days in the week are relegated to a slothful existence where I wear an oversized XXXL hoodie from Old Navy, stretchy pants and slippers… eh… okay, maybe that’s a bad example.

I did go out yesterday…

But it was a dismal failure in consumerism. I wanted to buy a new kettlebell (the ones I’ve got are all too light now). So I girded my loins (whatever that actually means), masked up and went to Sportmans Warehouse to peruse their selection of forged metal accessories that we use to approximate… eh… running, jumping, climbing, inserting sharp sticks into Woolly Mammoths.

It was like walking into the toilet paper aisle at the supermarket after the great frenzy of ’20. One lonely kettlebell sat on the rack all by its lonesome. A 88lb behemoth. Yeah… I thought, that’s why no one likes you. (because you’re fat)

I did experimentally and somewhat gingerly heft this beast (with two hands). The price thereof… and the fact that I suddenly envisioned accelerating my intestines out of my butthole swayed me from purchasing it. Apparently, with gyms being closed there’s been a run on lifting paraphernalia. And I suppose its also a commodity you wouldn’t necessarily keep excess stock of… its like we live in the dark ages now.

In any event, I’m trying to keep my chin up.

BACK TO FUNDAMENTAL JOEYISM

19 Comments

  1. Over Soil

    at

    I wonder where the expression “Keep your chin up!” first came from, anyways, please do. Love the image of the hound, it’s gigglicious.

    1. Jo

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      I’m sure it’s British. Stiff upper lip, gin and tonic, talliho, don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes!

      1. Over Soil

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        Gawdness what a thing, that stiff upper lip and how does one get one? Sounds like a job for the “What what old bean!” brigade.

      2. Jo

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        I think a stroke might do it…

        Or the ‘Ello ello ello, what’s all this then’ squad 😜

      3. Professor Taboo

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        Or the “Show me your belly then rub-a-dub-dub away” brigade.” 😉

      4. Over Soil

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        Never heard of that one.

      5. Professor Taboo

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        That brigade can successfully be deployed on most all dogs, but especially Basset Hounds. They are SUCKERS for belly-rubbing tactics that they’ll forget all of life’s troubles. 😉 🤭

      6. Over Soil

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        Oh dogs, I wondered what type of person you might be referring to! 😅 😆

      7. Professor Taboo

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        😉 😛 All hail to the Hound Belly-rubbing Brigades of the World!!! Three cheers… HIP HIP, HOORAY! HIP HIP… 🍸

      8. Over Soil

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        “Hooray!” 😀

  2. Sha'Tara

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    Apart from the really cute picture of the bombardier… today was garbage day here also and as I was perusing my WP emails, I read yours and “bang!” I was reminded, at 6:45 AM that I hadn’t put my garbage, greens, recyclables and deposit containers out to the curb. The usual routine is to truck all that out around midnight of Tuesday but I went to bed a tad early since I had to be up by 6:00 AM so I forgot. The rule is it has to be out there by 7:00 AM so I made it in plenty of time… thanks a million for the reminder, now I owe you one… 😊

    1. Jo

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      Let it not be said there aren’t any benefits to reading this prattle. I’m chalking this up as my good deed for the day. Yay me! 😉

  3. crustytuna

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    I shall wait to see your hound leading elephants across the Alps. I will cheer for him as he does so, biscuit by biscuit.
    Also, nice work on the gains! Aren’t kettlebells a commodity by now?

    1. Jo

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      He’s quite old now… we have to dose him up with anti-inflammatories to keep him nimble. He probably doesn’t have a solid sojourn across the Alps left in him anymore. Alas. In his youth however, Rome would have fallen!

      I’m dead-lifting 120kg for reps now. Which, to me, is amazing, I’ve always been more dexterous than strong, despite my height and broadness.

      Never really been interested in weights before now.

  4. Professor Taboo

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    DEAR GODS & GODDESSES! I envy your life so much Jo!!! 😉 😛

    1. Jo

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      I suppose it is quite enviable. I am particularly awesome most days. Wait a second… my spidey senses tell me this commentator might be deploying sarcasm…

      *sniff*

      This is my blog. You’re supposed to say nice things to me and… eh… gently massage my ego.

      Would you like to try again?

      1. Professor Taboo

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        Hmmmm. 🤔 (after several minutes of careful consideration and reconsideration, sweat flowing down his brow, the Professor tries again)

        DEAR MOSTLY GODDESSES and LESS GODS! I sure do envy your life Jo! 😉 😛

      2. Jo

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        Hmm. Isn’t it bed time for you guys yet?

      3. Professor Taboo

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        Perhaps, but there are lots of vampires and vampiresses in America Jo. 🧛🦇 🤭

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