Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

No Mercy!

For the first time, in what feels like forever, my Scoobie friends and I met up for actual in person gaming… risking death to roll dice, drink beer, smoke cannabis and inhale each others farts…

… and also (perhaps most importantly) make ‘pew, pew’ noises as we move bits of plastic around the table.

‘Risking death’ is likely somewhat dramatic since our Covid numbers are negligible (at the moment). And really, since two of our party have sworn off gluten, the atmospheric conditions that surround the dining room table have improved significantly. No longer are we wracked with the guilt of killing canaries as we dangerously (and perhaps recklessly) deplete the oxygen saturation of our local environment.

I suppose we could have just gotten a girl gamer to join our coterie. A sure fire way to reign in any group of males more… eh… basic tendencies. Although since we are quite old now (having cut our teeth on the 80’s source material) we harbor deep rooted misgivings about such an enterprise. Girls and gaming are endeavours to be segregated, always have been and always should be. ‘…and never the twain shall meet’, to quote Rudyard Kipling.

Everyone knows girls wreck gaming groups! Or… maybe its weird shadow creatures with a face full of teeth… I forget now. But I’m pretty sure ‘girls’ are in the top three reasons why gaming groups fail! Along with… rogues pickpocketing party members and eh… “friends” nuking your home-world after a two day game of Twilight Imperium.

Its unlikely that any of our wives would look to kindly on the dynamics of adding a double X chromosome into the party mix. (certainty not at this stage of our lives) Unless she was really ugly… with one saggy boob or something. That could probably work. Ha ha.

That might all sound a little misogynistic and gamergate-ish… but really, its because we don’t know any female gamers. I totally plan to DM a D&D campaign for my daughters one day. Until they stop speaking to me because dad ‘natural 20’d’ their paladin of a cliff and into a pool of bubbling lava. An event likely to negatively impact the father daughter relationship… but these things happen. I’m not fudging any dice rolls.

There are likely to be two nonnegotiable statutes in our domicile. You will take up Brazilian Ju-Jitsu and you will play boardgames in the basement with your old man. As house rules go those seem quite benign to me. Mom can deal with all the ‘no tattoos until you’re 21 and be home before you turn into a pumpkin stuff’.

The four year climbs up onto the bed. I show her the picture I took of last nights game.

‘Did you win?’

‘No, Uncle Pete treacherously attacked me in the last round and took all my systems’

‘Dad, if I can come with you, I will kill them for you… Dad, you’ve got to give it everything you’ve got’.

Ha ha. My daughter gets it. NO MERCY!!

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FUNDAMENTAL JOEYISM

[#622]

5 Comments

  1. tara caribou

    at

    I, sir, take offense, that a woman cannot play games at your table. Great offense taken, sir!

    But seriously. I’m a gamer. So… I have never ruined any games or tables or anything. I HAVE been known to bring some tasty treats though…

    1. Jo

      at

      Oh yes! Treats will definitely get you through the door. 😀 No matter what what your gender… or your capacity for breakage.

      (I have actually broken a great many things over the years)

      Hmm. Special brownies.

      How you doing up there in the great frozen North? Are you all ready for the white out?

      1. tara caribou

        at

        My gaming group, we used to always eat smoked salmon 😋, cream cheese, crackers… and of course lots of coffee. Twilight Imperium!!!! ftw

        I’m always ready for more snow.

      2. Jo

        at

        What?!? What sort of amazing group is this? Why have I been slumming it for all these years… if THIS is what it could have been?

      3. tara caribou

        at

        Yes. You just needed a… (dare I say it??) woman… in your group. Hahah. But to be fair, I was always the only woman. I’ve always gotten along much better with men than women. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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