Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

Nouveau faith

I’m starting my own religion.

It will be called Fundamental Joeyism. Which… while already a quasi-ideological and deeply idiosyncratic assemblage of the miscellaneous… can probably also be a religion.

We haven’t quite worked out all the kinks yet, and having snappy marketing seems secondary to creating some sensible dogma. Um… although (at the moment) content creation is also not high up on the list of priorities… (so far its shaping up to be a less codified faith than its competitors, wherein might lie its appeal)

Since I was (severely) Catholic (before the fall) I should probably stick with what I know. And minting new saints is an age old Catholic tradition going back to… well… pretty near to where the Romans kicked things off for us.

In any event, I received my first art work (that I had commissioned) today. (done by my ex-girlfriends housemate)


The Loa of Epicureanism, Saint Bourdain.

As the first Saint of my newly crafted belief system I think its an inspired choice. Although now I am thinking that, being the ‘Holy Joe’ of my aggregation of devotees, which, while in the singular, for now, is admittedly a somewhat insufficient congregation to really seem like a legitimate enterprise. I’m adding ‘Grow discipleship’ to my burgeoning to-do list.

Although if we do decide to go with ‘Holy Joe’ as the honorific title, I don’t necessarily want it doubled up with my namesake, a moniker that might open me up to ridicule. I may need to add some blasphemy laws right near the beginning… or not. We probably won’t take ourselves that seriously. After all next thing you know its all thumb-screws and red hot-pokers up rectums. And lets be honest, they probably went up there without the added consideration of K-Y. The ubiquitous ‘they’ I mean.

Besides, as intercessory’s go… would you rather have Mother Teresa vis-a-vis Catholicism or Saint Bourdain of… eh… well I feel weird about appropriating anyone, so I won’t. All I’m doing is highlighting his status as a potential paragon.

I know what you’re going to say. ‘Anthony Bourdain did LSD, Cocaine and Methamphetamines and then committed suicide, thats hardly an exemplar of humanity to aspire to’.

To which I might reply, ‘he did waaaaaaaaaay more drugs than that’.

Also, why do you care judgey-mac-judgey-face? (Fundamental Joeyism may have a strong kindergarten theme running throughout) [This might also turn out to be a core tenet]

Personally I got the sense that Saint Bourdain was very kind. But also wise, considerate and blessed with a cast iron intestinal tract that no back alley kitchen could conquer. Thems some enviable traits.

But then you might argue that Mother Teresa is a bonafide Saint(tm) and not the recipient of some made up Sainthood and would therefore carry more intercessory weight with the big guy upstairs. After all she got her credentials from an actual committee… with a secret handshake, fancy duds and (perhaps most importantly) very fine hats, whose expertise in these things far out-guns my less than astute layman understanding of… well… anything really.

I do know this though. In a straight punch up, despite her back alley Calcutta wiles, Mother Teresa would most likely be spread eagled and on her back in less than a minute. Also, who would you rather have at your fantasy dinner-table imagining? (if any of you are clamouring to nominate MT… don’t invite me, seriously, I’d rather risk blood poisoning by stabbing myself with a rusty screwdriver… that was getting its patina in a septic tank)

Ergo. Anthony Bourdain wins.

You may be thinking this is likely a poor epistemological argument. I should also warn you that I only have a dim understanding of what epistemological actually means. So you could be right.

But none of that really matters, because like all the worlds great religions, I’m making this up as I go.