Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

Cool by tenuous association

Pretty sure yesterday I was giving up coffee… forever! Having just watched a scary short on how anxiety juice blocks the adenosine receptors in your brain (which makes more receptors to compensate) and eventually (I imagine) your brain resembles a ridiculous dense topographical map of A2A not unlike Hong Kong high-rises. Also coffee might be making you fat!

*slurps his espresso* Yeah… that was yesterday. Today we’re all about mangos.

As far as I can tell there are two types of people in this world. Those that tolerate mangos. And those that don’t. I fall into the latter category. Undertaking the serious mission of having to peel a mango… and then go to war with that fibrous husk… and then its all slimy and slippery. Why anyone would go to all that effort is beyond me.

That is, until yesterday when browsing the shelf at my local I discovered a bag of dried mango strips.

Ostensibly bought as a snack for the two year old I have smashed the entire bag into my face-hole for breakfast.

My world has schism’d. (I’m forcing it to be an adjective… its my blog and if I want to abuse words I feel I am well within my rights). Suddenly I have to confront the very real possibility that mangos are not as gross as I imagined. And that they may, in fact, be delicious.

Theoretically this could a great metaphor for something else. Like… finding out that Joe Biden isn’t the corrupt career politician you always imagined and that Kamala Harris actually had good intentions when she sent hundreds (if not thousands) of people to jail for victimless crimes (and then laughed about it)

Fuck me I’m glad to see the back of Trump… but… I don’t know. Would you rather inject yourself with Drano or Potassium Chloride. That’s what a lot of the worlds politics feels like to me.

As an interesting aside. Hunter Bidens wife is a Saffer. She went to the Jewish school near me. I went to the Catholic convent school down the road (less than a mile away). Every year we’d play rugby against them and it would always turn into a big punch up. Catholics versus Jews. Ha ha. Looking back now it seems ridiculously juvenile… these strange perceived differences that… ergh…

I remember my friend having just been on the receiving end of a hard tackle said something disparaging to his opponent about his belief system. Taking umbrage at said slight, suddenly fists were flying and I got drawn into a huge bout of fisticuffs not of my own making. I remember thinking afterwards how I’d sided with my mate (who was in the wrong) against someone who didn’t need to escalate his offence. And how messed up it had all gotten so damn quickly.

Basically how the First World War started.

In any event, I went to the school next to the school that the president of the United States, sons wife went to. How cool am I? Ha ha. *snort* I also live near to the school where Elon Musk got beaten up. He spent two weeks in the hospital where I was born. He’s eight years older than me though, so I doubt we ever hung out at the arcade or the comic book store. But sometimes I lie wake at night imagining how we could have been friends and how (if I’d played my cards right) I could have been the CFO of the Boring Company now.

Ha ha. God, working with Elon. What a nightmare that must be. I’d rather stab myself with a rusty screw driver.

Anyways, Trump is gone. Vaccines (and maybe cancer) are on their way. Everything is awesome. And… happy days my UberEats breakfast has arrived.

I’m like a Hobbit. Breakfasts are important. But second breakfasts are even more so. And really, if you’re going to ingest carcinogens its better to do it with bacon that gets delivered on a scooter.

Nom, nom, nom.





  1. Over Soil


    I’ve only got as far as *slurps his espresso* and I’m {{{giggling}}} so for that you get a [Like]. I will carry on and comment further after my second coffee [goes to kitchen to get coffee].

    1. Jo


      Cheers! *offers his coffee cup to ‘clink’*

      Here’s to messing up our brains and putting on weight!


    2. Over Soil


      [Coffee and second breakfast later] Well, places and name dropping are we? [Rubs hands together, cracks knuckles, lifts them up theatrically, then starts to type like a classical pianist playing The Flight of The Bumblebee] I used to live in Brington, Northamptonshire and gallop along “Carriage Drive” as a kid… Oh and I’ve lived in the same house as Sir David #####… Nerrr, you don’t need to know all that crap and me give the game away, for here I’m me, awesome, unique and under no shadow, no one special in anyone else’s eyes and that suits me down to the ground. I advise you to have the same attitude.

      1. Over Soil


        With the work I do, there is no way I will be putting on weight during the pandemic. As for messing up my brain {{{ONE LOUD LAUGH}}} that ships sailed ages ago!

  2. crustytuna


    Bacon and mangoes make my children giddy with joy. And maybe me too.
    So much proximity to all these possibilities. All so very sliding doors ish.

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