Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

Saint Joeys Day (2021)

Happy Saint Joeys day! Patron Saint (and Loa) of lost causes and hopeless cases. Forty two today. I feel it, deep in my twitch fibers. And also in my spine, which despite my best efforts refuses to give me that satisfying ‘click’ relief that used to come so easily.

Being old and venerable its possible that I could launch into a long winded tirade at any moment. In fact the urge to share my acquired wisdom and life experience detritus I’ve collected along the way is undeniable. In fact the only thing holding back the flood of good advice is a metaphysical Dutch boy with in a finger in my brain dyke. A metaphorical earthen wall I mean… and not necessarily the derogatory term for a lesbian. Although, chances are good my mind rolls that way. So maybe I do mean the latter.

Under normal circumstances birthdays are a good time to take stock of ones life… wincingly recalling how the previous year was supposed to be ‘your year’ and then, solemnly (and perhaps also somewhat repeatedly) swearing that this year will be different!

Not me though. I had my ‘mid-life’ existential crisis early on. Which, if you’re going to cross the Rubicon and mess around on the meaning of life embankment on the other side, it is better, in my opinion, to get it over with early on… when you’re still spry and supple enough that you can cope with the crushing weight of existence. And then when you’ve (hopefully) haltingly crawled through to the other side by becoming a recalcitrant whore (with a penchant for fisticuffs) you don’t have the baggage that is associated with being older and ergo, do less damage to those around you.

Which is definitely a good thing. The thought of having to do all that nonsense now, in my forties, *deep exhale*, yeah, I don’t know how I’d manage. Those seem like fairly insurmountable odds to me. Certainly nobody comes out the other side unscathed and still mostly unpright.

Maybe, that can be my one bit of advice. Don’t get married in your twenties. And certainly don’t have kids! You are WAY too dumb, WAY too selfish and WAY too poor to successfully navigate any of those things to a reasonable outcome. Statistically speaking I mean, sure, there will be the occasional outliers that do (somehow) manage. Still, I don’t think its worth rolling the dice. Rather wait it out until you have a tad more experience under your belt.

Ha ha. Spoken, he imagined, like someone professing expertise in life, having now gotten so far into it.

In any event, what does one do for ones birthday during lockdown? We were supposed to go down to the coast on Monday for a week… but they’ve* closed the beaches until mid February. Go breathe recycled air in a mall… but congregating on a beach is a now a subversive and criminal act. So we’ve kicked that particular can down the road.

*those that apparently have our best interests at heart.

In any event, a gripe for another time. *rolls eyes* Maybe, lets see how it goes. I feel like I’m stuck on repeat for this one.

Hope y’all have a smashingly wonderful Saint Joeys Day… also incidentally voted the northern Hemispheres most depressing day. (because its still a few days before payday and the weather is probably sheit) Be good out there. If you can.





  1. crustytuna


    Happy belated!!! No existential crises for you! Because at the tender age of 42, they’ve been resolved…please expound on such wisdom. I’ve just been ignoring that crushing weight of existence. It’s been working okay I think.

    1. Jo


      Ha! I don’t think you can ignore it indefinitely… at some point its gonna come round to bite you on the ass… and no amount of downhill will let you escape it.

      In all honesty… I wouldn’t suggest doing it the way I did it… because, well… I know you’re hardcore Christian.

      I was a hardcore Catholic (altar boy, Catholic school, gave out communion, the works) and I fell hard and lost my faith completely… which is… quite a tough road to walk down… and contemplating nothingness is… well… it does quite a number on your brain.

      And trust me when I say that your faith gives you a fantastic coping mechanism for everything that life throws at you. I only realized that once it was gone.

      In any event. I imagine everyone goes through some form of existential crisis at some point in their lives. And while you can try fix it with… external stimuli… I think that peace of mind has to come from within… and whether you find that peace through God… or (like me) find that peace through… eh… sticking a massive band-aid over things and not over thinking it. Ha ha.

      1. crustytuna


        I remember thinking through the possibility of no God, and it seemed too empty for me to grasp or embrace. Hanging on to my faith seems simpler, and while I may not be living up to a purpose I ought to be right now, I’m hoping I’ve still got time to sort it out, and maybe it only becomes clear when I’m dying? So.. Downhill distractions until then, and in between, some restlessness until time can be made to think it through further I suppose. Childlike faith is just… easier. And I think I’m okay with that.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.