Anomalous objects

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According to the article is probably an asteroid (five times the size of Hawaii)… made of metal… buried beneath the surface of the moon. But I’m inclined to put my faith in Hank Moody (to me David Duchovny’s seminal character… because… well, Californication had more boobs in it. And boobs per episode is an important metric when deciding the worth of a series)

Anyways, we can probably be glad it hit the moon and not the earth, waaaaaaaay back when… because you know, none of us would be here now. Guided by the hand of the almighty… or something along those lines. This predates that time (s)he decided that humans and not dinosaurs should be the eminent species on the planet (and sent another asteroid along to make sure that happened)

Deities. Terraforming planets with asteroids. Seems a little heavy handed? I mean, when you could potentially just snap your fingers… subtly changing the direction of interstellar objects to collide with other rotating objects all while avoiding the gravity of gas giants… well… its a lot of math.

But all this is beside the point because theres a frikken alien spaceship buried beneath the regolith on the frikken moon….

 

In the Kaiju we trust

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Godzilla is quite old testament. Super grouchy and unrelenting… laying waste to Sodom/Gomorrah/Tokyo whatever. Personally I never really understood what seemed like quite a personal vendetta against Japan. Although to be fair, I’m not entirely sure what Yahweh had against the Egyptians either… maybe it had to do with accepting assistance from extraterrestrials to build pointy, deity sized caltrops in the desert…. which may not have endeared them to anyone of a certain size and/or disposition. I imagine it’s like stepping on a lego, only their reaction is not limited to unusual adjectives paired with expressive cuss words.

Now that I think about it… why did the Egyptians get an extra dose of smite and the Romans got a free pass? I can’t seem to remember if they cover that specifically in the codex of two parts… not that its important to this meandering thought pattern. If you can even call it a pattern.

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In any event, at least Godzilla has a clearly defined endgame which can be communicated without allegory, metaphor and unnecessary punctuation. The other guy not so much. Personally I feel a fair amount of blame can be placed at the feet of Mary and Joseph who (in my opinion) spent too much pushing the hippie carpentry aspect when maybe they should have been been punting a little more marketing and business management 101. In the very least one semester of effective communication. No mustard seeds, fig trees or good samaritans need apply. Also Jesuses hiring process was abysmal. Seriously, its almost like he picked his disciples at random… trust me on this when I say this is not a great way to build a team of core competency that you can trust to spread the dogma once you ascend skyward (without the aid of a fiery chariot I might add).

Godzilla has no doctrine. Except laying down the smack. Clear, concise and effective. Also one of his iterations is mecha-godzilla.

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Which is basically the coolest thing ever. Vaguely I wonder if I’d like the pope more if he strode about in mechsuit instead of a pope-mobile.

Yes.

I think I would.

MechaPope would have shown those protestants the error of their ways…

 

Darwinism

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‘But I am very poorly today + very stupid + hate everyone + everything’ – Charles Darwin writing to his friend Charles Lyell.

I often see this posted to social media along with something trite like, ‘see, Darwin also had his off days’. Possibly with some comments further down critiquing his handwriting, the horror of which has led some people to believe that Charles Darwin was a lefty. (He wasn’t).

I think we should be allowed our ‘off’ days where we can wallow in misanthropy and self loathing and that it shouldn’t necessarily be bandied about post event as a character flaw or moment of weakness to make it seem to people that those being quoted were more relatable and somehow more human than originally anticipated.

I also often wonder about personal diaries and more intimate thoughts revealed in letters that, after the person has passed on, have been made available for public discourse (and indeed criticism). Marcus Aurelius famously helped spawn the mental models of stoicism (which I try with varying degrees of success to follow) with his own personal diary (which he never meant for anyone else to read) whose public availability I am very grateful for. So theres that. Also the dead can’t really complain about us profiteering (either mentally or materially) off their penmanship. Neither can they be embarrassed by their words anymore.

When I die don’t publish my emails. I feel I should mention this, even if I doubt anyone would ever be tempted to take on this baleful task. My correspondence is unlikely to be complementary or indeed even vaguely cerebral. For a moment I was bloated with hubris and I briefly imagined being someone of import or having (one day when I’m I’m big) done something profound with my life. When really, after a single generation I will likely be completely forgotten. Although perhaps not irrelevant, since to my decedents, without me, they would not exist. To be fair I don’t give any of my individual ancestors any thought or credence, thinking of them more as a collective. Still, I find that unbroken chain (that spans an insane mind bending number of astronomical and biological events) that has led to me being here to be a fascinating thought experiment (usually done lying on my back and looking up at the stars). I totally understand why people need to assign a deity to govern such a happenstance.

Maybe (coming back to the point) I shouldn’t sell myself short. I might still do something erudite (on the scale of the Origin of species) with my life which may lead people to seek out my thoughts on other more mundane topics (like my personal hygiene routine and what I eat for breakfast)

*someone in the peanut gallery starts laughing*

Although… to be completely truthful, contributing to humanity seems like a metric fuck tonne of work and really, I am far too lazy. It also would likely cut into my Playstation time which is quite a significant opportunity cost. (look me at me, not only considering myself comparable with the greatest minds in history and then being dismissive about my apparent talent, but then also making excuses for my lack of something discernible to show for myself after forty years on the planet). Yeah, I could build electric cars/terraform Mars for you guys, or I could play Red Dead Redemption. It’s a tough call.

I like using Elon as my go-to example (even though he is seven years older than me) for  underachieving because for a while at least, he lived close to me and went to the public school not far from my house. We also shared some Venn diagram overlap in terms of the books we read, the arcade games we played and even the games we created (although mine were in Basic). Me and Elon are more or less simpatico.

That last line might not be read with the sarcasm that I had intended and so I feel the need to underscore it for the casual reader who is not entirely familiar with my usual self depreciation and heavy sarcasm.

Although I think I had a better childhood than Elon. Mostly because my dad wasn’t a cunt. And that, at school, I hit back…  although in fairness my prowess in fisticuffs was not yet so developed and I rarely got to say, ‘You should have seen the other guy’.

I don’t think this post has a point… eh… anymore. I probably meant it to have one when I started out… but now I can’t remember what it was. I seem to have wandered off the path and into the brambles. My strategy now is sit down (before I hurt myself) and blow my emergency whistle until someone finds me. I may also eat this (emergency) sandwich while I’m here. And maybe also go behind those trees over there to pee. (Yes… despite being alone)

Hopefully y’all are having a particularly groovy type day. And since it is Easter Sunday, be cheerful in the knowledge that Jesus rose from the dead so that you could go to heaven (if you behave yourselves). Unless you believe in one of the other (illegitimate) gods I mean… in which case you should probably look into doing something about that…

Irreverent Easter post

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Nice thing about Christianity and christians generally is that you can post irreverent stuff about them and, for the most part, they won’t find out where you live and mail you a pressure cooker filled with gunpowder and dry wall screws. If you’re lucky they’ll even pray for you. Which, personally, I find quite nice and certainly wouldn’t object to.

They’re not quite at the point of Mormons, who, in my opinion, occupy the very pinnacle of the tolerance spire, but pretty damn close. If this sort of thing was a competition where you could win something (like a microwave oven) I mean. Of course this wasn’t always so. Lampooning Christianity used to be considered in quite a dim light… remedied with all manner of invasive (and sometimes heated) instruments you wouldn’t necessarily like inserted up your rectum. Not even some saucy pillow talk before hand to get you in the mood. And then eventually, on the sweet release of death, your soul would be taking the express elevator to damnation anyway. Which kinda makes the mortal realm torture thing seem a little superfluous. But maybe they were just warming you up for things to come, a little orientation week taster.

In any event I’m scared to say who I think the least tolerant religion (right now) is, because well… I’m scared. I know what happens to those people who are inclined to express an opinion on such a taboo… eh… leitmotif.  Mean stuff gets said about you on twitter and enraged agitators post your home address on their feed and incite their followers to do you harm. And thats just the actors and comedians.

In any event, I think we need to remember that Easter is all about chocolate… and that chocolate is basically love. And that love is good. Spread the chocolate, if not on the bosom of your significant other in the sanctity of your bedroom, then in foil wrapped bunny form among your fellow sapiens. Show someone you care. Preferably with Lindt.

Spawn of satan

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Left handed people are the devil. In boxing, he added. I feel it’s probably important to add context when demonising people.

The thing about left handed boxers, or south-paws, is that nine out ten people you spar with are the solid, decent sort. Also known as orthodox fighters… built the way god intended. But every once in a while you square off against a lefty.  And because you have less experience fighting these hell-spawn, you have to suddenly un-muscle memory everything and fight in very deliberate, mindful way… which when someone is trying to enter you into the realm of unconsciousness with their fists, is a somewhat challenging circumstance in which to suddenly find yourself in.

Now replace fists with some form of edged weapon and what you get is a recipe for disaster. I can totally appreciate the medieval knights attempt to mandate battlefield etiquette (by drowning all the left handed toddlers) Can’t just have some lefty waltz into a codified conflict and start messing with the feng shui of close quarters combat. It’s also likely the reason the crusaders eventually failed in their quest to hold onto the Holy Land… no experience in fighting left handed people.

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Although the ubiquitous templar that gets used in all those crusader/western imperialist memes has been drawn as a left hander. Hmm. Now that I think about it, maybe it was only jousting where left handedness was forbidden… and that the crusaders lost the holy land because they were motherfuckers, more interested in slaughtering every living thing with the city limits of Jerusalem once they’d breached hers walls. Not exactly the greatest ‘hearts and minds’ campaign ever devised. Interestingly Jews fought side-by-side with Muslims to defend the city against the crusaders. Both were indiscriminatingly massacred by the christians when the city fell.

Sorry.

The quietness of the sheep

‘How can you call your congregation a flock? Doesn’t that say everything about your religion?  That you think they’re sheep?’ – Richard Dawkins

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I find it strange that Mr. Dawkins, an evolutionary biologist, has never (as far as I know) spoken about the built in self defense mechanism found in every flock of sheep. You’d think this would be right up his alley. This inherent ability seems to make sheep way more formidable than one might originally anticipate.

I’m a lonely croc… sitting all day on my sunny rock.

This 100 year old crocodile died from over eating. Worshipers at the Hazrat Khan Jahan Ali Shrine in in south-western Bangladesh believed that feeding this particular hallowed croc would bring them good luck and economic fortune.

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Apparently the occasional chicken became a slew of never ending poultry and the odd desultory goat when the word got out that this reptile had the power to change your reality.

I suppose its better than starving to death in your sacred pool because no one thought you had any special powers. And so when faced with a choice of two potential end games, I think this is likely the better one. (from a narrow philosophical viewpoint)

But then again I’m (generally) against keeping animals in captivity (especially for religious purposes). This crocodile should have been free to swim the streams and rivers of Bangladesh, occasionally snacking on some errant fisherman or laundry woman on the shoreline. God intended these to be hazardous occupations (which theoretically should have been remunerated with danger pay). Alas, we have stuffed up the carefully calculated economic cycle as set down by our creator.

Having now killed the… eh… croc that lays the golden egg, so to speak, everyone is now robbed of the opportunity to alter their destiny. Although maybe lucky crocs have an inherent Dalai Lama like ability to be reincarnated (hopefully in the general geographic area where the previous entity passed). I imagine the trick is find the new and correct crocodile (to nurture into obesity and eventual heart failure). They all look the same to me. Would be a terrible waste to feed all those chickens to a crocodile with no magical powers.