Paper or plastic

This would likely be me…


…if I actually had any cash. I can’t even remember the last time I used an ATM. In fact, in modernity, I feel irrevocably inconvenienced if I can’t just ‘tap’ for payments. Do you know how dirty money is?

Also I look forward to my shopping experience soon to be entirely devoid of human interaction. Admittedly when they are gone I will likely post about the ‘good old days’ when a ‘person’ bagged your groceries and someone engaged with you at the point of sale and (albeit just a pointless social dynamic) asked you ‘how you were doing’…

… and if you’re the crazy cashier at my local butcher ask if she can use your online betting profile to put money down on the horses. Apparently she’s been banned… I made the mistake of engaging her after my curiosity was piqued. I worry that she feels we have become familiar. Or perhaps even worse that our brief interactions have given her the impression that I would even have an online betting profile. She smiles at me in a manner that suggests she could make it worth my while and then adjusts some of her purple fringe back behind her ear.

I let her down gently…. by telling her I’m a Mormon. My go-to example for channelling morality. Well… this is more my L’esprit de l’escalier moment later (in the car)… dammit I should have said I was a Mormon. Being Mormon must be a great ‘get out of jail free card’ when your co-workers want to engage in some or other disreputable behaviour after work. If people know you’re an atheist they often just assume you’re basically ‘good-to-go’ for anything and everything. (while also imagining you twist the heads off bunnies in your spare time)

Notice how I didn’t go with Catholicism (theoretically my area of expertise) as my moral high ground… ha ha. Rectitude isn’t really their strong suit anymore. Although you could likely make the argument that things have been on a downward trajectory since the first crusade.

In any event, the time is coming when my raging misanthropy, introversion and bacteriophobia will all be sufficiently dulled by technological advancement. I might even start to enjoy this consumerism malarkey.

Yay new experiences yay.


Apparently Gracie is six years old…


Either she is a homicidal maniac… or she appreciates that in a democracy we all take collective responsibility for our governments actions. So when that drone strike takes out that target in a far away land and the collateral damage is messily spread out on the edges of the crater, that’s on every citizen that voted for the incumbent…

That… or maybe she’s thinking about something else.

She also wavered on the ‘Thou shalt have no other gods before me’. Which makes me cheerful on a personal level. Six year olds don’t really have an opinion on God. Their god (weirdly) is that of their parents who live to indoctrinate their progeny in their strange rituals and beliefs, thereby ensuring the continued existence of their god. Although wouldn’t it be great if, just to mess with convention, every so often, Christian parents, got a Muslim pre-schooler (or vice versa).

Probably a good thing I am not a deity*… because I would totally do this. Would also make some people randomly gay. And some people ridiculously beautiful.


*although if you guys are hiring, I’d like to make myself available for selection. Infallibility (and extreme hubris) is kinda my thing. I would make a great deity!


Atheist at a funeral


Ha ha. This basically me at every funeral I go to. It’s especially awkward for when the person in front of you in the condolences queue has really laid the religiosity on thick with…. thoughts and prayers and united again in heaven etc. And then you come along… ‘Hi…yeah… um… I’m really sorry for your loss… and… yeah’.

I have this huge imposter syndrome thing going on at these sorts of events. I think I would have preferred an old school send off that involves setting things on fire and then getting uproariously drunk afterwards (and passing out in a ditch). That way you don’t really have to vocalize anything to anyone and it doesn’t have to get weird.

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We’ve really gone backwards on this whole epic send off thing. Tea and white bread and cheese sandwiches in the church hall afterwards doesn’t really have the same sense of Beowulfianism that a burning longboat has…

Anomalous objects




According to the article is probably an asteroid (five times the size of Hawaii)… made of metal… buried beneath the surface of the moon. But I’m inclined to put my faith in Hank Moody (to me David Duchovny’s seminal character… because… well, Californication had more boobs in it. And boobs per episode is an important metric when deciding the worth of a series)

Anyways, we can probably be glad it hit the moon and not the earth, waaaaaaaay back when… because you know, none of us would be here now. Guided by the hand of the almighty… or something along those lines. This predates that time (s)he decided that humans and not dinosaurs should be the eminent species on the planet (and sent another asteroid along to make sure that happened)

Deities. Terraforming planets with asteroids. Seems a little heavy handed? I mean, when you could potentially just snap your fingers… subtly changing the direction of interstellar objects to collide with other rotating objects all while avoiding the gravity of gas giants… well… its a lot of math.

But all this is beside the point because theres a frikken alien spaceship buried beneath the regolith on the frikken moon….



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While I’d like to be more than an a casual commentator on all things cosmological it is an area of for which I am cognitively unsuited. Still, what I lack in accuracy and understanding  I make up for with enthusiasm. Find more posts 



In the Kaiju we trust


Godzilla is quite old testament. Super grouchy and unrelenting… laying waste to Sodom/Gomorrah/Tokyo whatever. Personally I never really understood what seemed like quite a personal vendetta against Japan. Although to be fair, I’m not entirely sure what Yahweh had against the Egyptians either… maybe it had to do with accepting assistance from extraterrestrials to build pointy, deity sized caltrops in the desert…. which may not have endeared them to anyone of a certain size and/or disposition. I imagine it’s like stepping on a lego, only their reaction is not limited to unusual adjectives paired with expressive cuss words.

Now that I think about it… why did the Egyptians get an extra dose of smite and the Romans got a free pass? I can’t seem to remember if they cover that specifically in the codex of two parts… not that its important to this meandering thought pattern. If you can even call it a pattern.


In any event, at least Godzilla has a clearly defined endgame which can be communicated without allegory, metaphor and unnecessary punctuation. The other guy not so much. Personally I feel a fair amount of blame can be placed at the feet of Mary and Joseph who (in my opinion) spent too much pushing the hippie carpentry aspect when maybe they should have been been punting a little more marketing and business management 101. In the very least one semester of effective communication. No mustard seeds, fig trees or good samaritans need apply. Also Jesuses hiring process was abysmal. Seriously, its almost like he picked his disciples at random… trust me on this when I say this is not a great way to build a team of core competency that you can trust to spread the dogma once you ascend skyward (without the aid of a fiery chariot I might add).

Godzilla has no doctrine. Except laying down the smack. Clear, concise and effective. Also one of his iterations is mecha-godzilla.


Which is basically the coolest thing ever. Vaguely I wonder if I’d like the pope more if he strode about in mechsuit instead of a pope-mobile.


I think I would.

MechaPope would have shown those protestants the error of their ways…




‘But I am very poorly today + very stupid + hate everyone + everything’ – Charles Darwin writing to his friend Charles Lyell.

I often see this posted to social media along with something trite like, ‘see, Darwin also had his off days’. Possibly with some comments further down critiquing his handwriting, the horror of which has led some people to believe that Charles Darwin was a lefty. (He wasn’t).

I think we should be allowed our ‘off’ days where we can wallow in misanthropy and self loathing and that it shouldn’t necessarily be bandied about post event as a character flaw or moment of weakness to make it seem to people that those being quoted were more relatable and somehow more human than originally anticipated.

I also often wonder about personal diaries and more intimate thoughts revealed in letters that, after the person has passed on, have been made available for public discourse (and indeed criticism). Marcus Aurelius famously helped spawn the mental models of stoicism (which I try with varying degrees of success to follow) with his own personal diary (which he never meant for anyone else to read) whose public availability I am very grateful for. So theres that. Also the dead can’t really complain about us profiteering (either mentally or materially) off their penmanship. Neither can they be embarrassed by their words anymore.

When I die don’t publish my emails. I feel I should mention this, even if I doubt anyone would ever be tempted to take on this baleful task. My correspondence is unlikely to be complementary or indeed even vaguely cerebral. For a moment I was bloated with hubris and I briefly imagined being someone of import or having (one day when I’m I’m big) done something profound with my life. When really, after a single generation I will likely be completely forgotten. Although perhaps not irrelevant, since to my decedents, without me, they would not exist. To be fair I don’t give any of my individual ancestors any thought or credence, thinking of them more as a collective. Still, I find that unbroken chain (that spans an insane mind bending number of astronomical and biological events) that has led to me being here to be a fascinating thought experiment (usually done lying on my back and looking up at the stars). I totally understand why people need to assign a deity to govern such a happenstance.

Maybe (coming back to the point) I shouldn’t sell myself short. I might still do something erudite (on the scale of the Origin of species) with my life which may lead people to seek out my thoughts on other more mundane topics (like my personal hygiene routine and what I eat for breakfast)

*someone in the peanut gallery starts laughing*

Although… to be completely truthful, contributing to humanity seems like a metric fuck tonne of work and really, I am far too lazy. It also would likely cut into my Playstation time which is quite a significant opportunity cost. (look me at me, not only considering myself comparable with the greatest minds in history and then being dismissive about my apparent talent, but then also making excuses for my lack of something discernible to show for myself after forty years on the planet). Yeah, I could build electric cars/terraform Mars for you guys, or I could play Red Dead Redemption. It’s a tough call.

I like using Elon as my go-to example (even though he is seven years older than me) for  underachieving because for a while at least, he lived close to me and went to the public school not far from my house. We also shared some Venn diagram overlap in terms of the books we read, the arcade games we played and even the games we created (although mine were in Basic). Me and Elon are more or less simpatico.

That last line might not be read with the sarcasm that I had intended and so I feel the need to underscore it for the casual reader who is not entirely familiar with my usual self depreciation and heavy sarcasm.

Although I think I had a better childhood than Elon. Mostly because my dad wasn’t a cunt. And that, at school, I hit back…  although in fairness my prowess in fisticuffs was not yet so developed and I rarely got to say, ‘You should have seen the other guy’.

I don’t think this post has a point… eh… anymore. I probably meant it to have one when I started out… but now I can’t remember what it was. I seem to have wandered off the path and into the brambles. My strategy now is sit down (before I hurt myself) and blow my emergency whistle until someone finds me. I may also eat this (emergency) sandwich while I’m here. And maybe also go behind those trees over there to pee. (Yes… despite being alone)

Hopefully y’all are having a particularly groovy type day. And since it is Easter Sunday, be cheerful in the knowledge that Jesus rose from the dead so that you could go to heaven (if you behave yourselves). Unless you believe in one of the other (illegitimate) gods I mean… in which case you should probably look into doing something about that…