Dastardly threats

Parenting achievement award unlocked.

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Telling your three year old if they don’t start behaving themselves RIGHT NOW, the easter bunny isn’t coming!

Immediate compliance and profuse apologizing.

I am such a monster.

Although to be honest, I am a little flattered that my daughter thinks I have so much pull with an inter-dimensional* cotton-tail…. when really my only experience with these creatures (and their machinations) is having once read Watership Down… which didn’t really sell me on the whole burrow living arrangement thing it must be said…

*I assume this is how she gets around, although I’m willing to pen a retraction should a competing theory arise which seems more credible. Also I apologize for having just pronoun’d the Easter bunny. I could find any specific reference to gender in the canon and so had to make a quick judgement call. (Eventually I decided since Eostre, the pagan goddess of fertility (on which all this is based) seemed to have mandated her heraldry to be that of a rabbit, it seemed more reasonable to me that the easter bunny is in fact female).

Immunity

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Every so often you see a tweet that speaks to you in way you never thought possible. This is one of those tweets. I also used to think I had a great immune system. Until I bred my own versions of the Outbreak monkey. Those little flesh pockets of pestilence seem find no better satisfaction in life than to make a mockery of my apparent resistance, shredding my defences like it’s a wet paper bag.