Counts and getting counted.

I shove a Marie biscuit smeared (liberally) with a Nutella¹ simulate into my mouth.

I’d say its the breakfast of champions… but really it’s the breakfast of someone who went for a full range of blood tests last week and came in under the threshold for pre-diabetes. In my mind there is wiggle room for bad behavior, although, perhaps, my jeans would disagree. That there is THAT MUCH wiggle room I mean.

[1] Who can afford the real thing anymore?

My LDL also came in at a very respectable 2.2 mmol/L. And my PSA (the things we have to do now because I’m over 40) was insignificant.

In fact the only thing that wasn’t great was my Uric acid. The doc taps his pen on my results, ‘Do you eat a lot of red meat, salmon… organ meats… fat?’

Those are pretty much the only things I eat, I say (as I channel my inner Ron Swanson).

And how much water?

I drink coffee.

No I mean now many glasses of water per day?

Eh… zero.

I mean that’s probably not entirely true, now that I think about it. I sometimes drink water from the tap after I’ve brushed my teeth.

He gives me a diatribe about how I need to help flush my kidneys. And he’s probably right. I mean he likely knows some stuff about physiology. Although maybe I should (also) get a second opinion off the internet… get a feel for some alternative treatments out there that don’t involve two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen.

Joey stuffs another Marie Biscuit into his face-hole. God! I’ve forgotten how good carbohydrates (combined with sugar) are… as I crash out of Keto in style.

Did you know…

(and I realize this is quite out of left-field after my opening polemic)

…that refusing to cooperate with an official conducting a census can escalate from a fine to criminal charges to potential imprisonment. An escalation that’s practiced in a huge chunk of the ‘Western’ style democracies. Which is really crazy when you think about it.

In South Africa the fine is R10,000 (or about $625) OR six months imprisonment for being uncooperative. In the US (according to Google) refusing to take part or falsifying answers in census starts off at $100 but can (in theory) go up to $5000. Which I suppose if you decide not to pay may potentially mean that eventually armed representatives of the state come to your domicile… and deprive you of your liberty. And if you resist, may deprive you of your life. All because you refuse to answer questions about whether you own a washing machine.

Which is one of the questions I answered this morning.

I’ve been successfully (and somewhat smugly) avoiding the two gentlemen encamped in my neighborhood with their ‘official’ green bibs and iPad’s for weeks now.

Unfortunately, my luck ran out today… and they cornered me getting home after the school run.

Do I own a radio? I don’t think they’ve updated their questionnaire since the 80s.

I’m scared of having my sphincter stretched out in the communal showers by convicted murderers, rapists and other census dodgers… so I truthfully answer, that ‘No, I don’t own a radio’… or do I… do they mean a device only capable of receiving FM or AM radio waves? Or does streaming count. What about shortwave? Oh god, I have a radio in my car… I mean I’ve never used it… but I think it works. Does that count? Is it too late to change my answer? But we’ve moved on…

H-02a What is the main material used for the construction of the walls and roof of the MAIN dwelling?

1. Brick
2. Cement Block
3. Corrugated Iron/Zinc
4. Wood
5. Plastic
6. Cardboard
7. Mud and cement mix
8. Wattle and daub
9. Mud
10. Tile
11. Grass/Thatch
12. Asbestos
13. Other

Brick. I’m kinda glad Asbestos still gets its own category though. Albeit right at the end and only one away from ‘other’. Vaguely I wonder if there would be some sort of follow up by someone in government if you were found to be living in an asbestos dwelling. Does Asbestos beat cardboard I cerebrate… in terms of quality of life and/or someone in the upper echelons of power caring about your plight?

And so it goes.

Its so dumb. But at the same time so invasive.

They ask how much our household income is? And how many people are on chronic medication? There’s an option for ‘Don’t know’, so I pick that one as much as possible. I already feel quite coerced… and I have some libertarian Rubicons left. Although a part of me is bitterly disappointed that I didn’t go all Ruby Ridge Branch Davidians on them.

Statists will argue that accurate census data is critical for the allocation of resources and the efficient utilitarianism of the state.

Obviously I’m skeptical. Because… well… historical precedent is probably near the top of the list. And central planning being proven over and over again to be the absolute worst allocation tool ever. But sure, the ridiculous amount of money spent conducting a census (the 2010 US survey cost the US taxpayer 14 Billion dollars) is probably money well spent. And if you disagree with us, we will send people over to shoot your dog and haul you in front of magistrate for decent. Their is no opting out. Not for Mary and Joseph. And definitely not for you.

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