I sometimes like to imagine that bread is not a carbohydrate. ‘Oh, I’m low carb/paleo’, I say stuffing another triangle of egg soaked toast into my mouth and then chasing it down with bacon and breakfast tea (The full English is pretty much the best thing the English ever did for the world*… even when viewed on a list that contains luminaries like John Locke and William Shakespeare)
*this is also the pretty much the most heretical thing a German can say (and may be grounds for the cancellation of your citizenship… and in the old days cause for a dark grey Trabant to be parked outside your house)
My friends look at me askance, a look that suggests they wouldn’t trust me to babysit their children. ‘Well these days men can be women, and women, men’, I say authoritatively, ‘I think I’m entitled to believe this bread is in fact carb-free’.
‘I don’t think it works like that’, comes a jaundiced retort . ‘Really?’ I say, taking the opportunity to catch my breath. Breakfast of this sort tends to appear, to the uninitiated, akin more to inhalation than ingestion and is usually only interrupted under dire circumstances, like duress… or asphyxiation. ‘Why not?’
I like to be proved wrong. Which happens quite often. But I don’t mind, my ego is (generally) not wrapped up in my assertions. And besides I’m still looking for a good argument as to why gender fluidity should be taken seriously by supposedly rational human beings.
Today is not my day. My fellows that have joined my early morning repast, while borderline progressives, are not ones for solid suppositions to back up their belief system. I don’t really mind. They make up for their deficiencies in discourse with good looks, white teeth and ample bosom. I like to be seen with them (proving how shallow I actually am), and I, in turn, occasionally make them laugh with my contrarian ideas and off beat humor. Although I also sometimes think I’m their charity case… a token of inclusion and that they’re laughing because it would be awkward not to. (I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t of course, I’m quite happy to laugh at my own jokes)
Still, we play nicely because we agree on eighty or ninety percent of everything else. Seems sad to have to harp on the 10% (or 20%) of things we disagree on. Also did I mention they are incredibly good looking?