Where is my mind?

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there’s nothing in it
And you’ll ask yourself
Where is my mind?

-The Pixies, Surfer Rosa, 1988

I used to be of the opinion that if something was in my mind,must have put it there. It is only (relatively) recently, having half-heartedly perused an article on free-will (in that internet addled manner that reduces any real understanding into one or two useable soundbites… that you can then misrender at your next dinner party to seem smarter than you really are) that I’ve been challenging this notion (in my own bungling way).

Could it really be that most of my most hardcore and intractable beliefs were actually placed there by someone else? Did I simply entrench and calcify those ideas? Am I just this porous hominid, absorbing things haphazardly like some sort of organic, meat-sack sponge and then imagining myself as all-original-Joey, self determining extraordinaire and eater of delicious carbohydrates…

That’s not to say I don’t have original thoughts. Well… I’m assuming some of them must be original… eh, right? Although now that I’ve been ruminating all of this, I’d love to see that version of me that could have evolved as a blank slate free from outside stimuli. What sort of person would that have been? And what color was his warpaint?

Lord of the flies (1963).jpg

“His voice rose under the black smoke before the burning wreckage of the island; and infected by that emotion, the other little boys began to shake and sob too. And in the middle of them, with filthy body, matted hair, and unwiped nose, Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of mans heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called Piggy.” 

I wonder if I would be more Jack? Or more Ralph.

Ralph Wiggum wave.gif

Probably Ralph. Wiggum I mean.

As spirit animals go, I suppose it could be worse. I would have been disappointed, for example, having accidentally stumbled upon the combination that unlocks the chakras of my mind to find out that my spirit animal was the desiccated remains of a once chubby rodent awkwardly interwoven into his exercise wheel at disturbing right angles. Police would later rule out foul play and theorised a likely scenario based on anecdotal evidence. A broken crack pipe and a half empty bottle of Oxycodone if you must know. Personally I remain unconvinced.

In any event, since we opened with the Pixies, I feel it is only fitting that I should offer up some form of symmetry and close out this post with the rest of their song…

I was swimmin’ in the Caribbean
Animals were hiding behind the rock
Except the little fish
But they told me, he swears
Tryin’ to talk to me koi koy

Apparently all that time I spent considering what Black Francis (or is it Frank Black, I find artists that change their nom de guerre mid career discombobulating) if there was any deeper meaning to these lyrics was apparently wasted…

“That came from me snorkelling in the Caribbean and having this very small fish trying to chase me. I don’t know why – I don’t know too much about fish behaviour.” Frank Black in SELECT, October 1997

And now you know the awful truth.

After life

We all have our little theories as to what happens to us when we exit stage left. This seems as reasonable as the next postulation. Also, the gamer in me is intrigued by the… I want to say ‘meta’ here, but I never know if I’m using it correctly… in any event…


Did you know that the original name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man? You’d think it was because he looks like a hockey puck but it actually comes from the Japanese phrase ‘Paku-Paku,’ which means to flap one’s mouth open and closed. They changed it because they thought Puck-Man would be too easy to vandalize, you know, like people could just scratch off the P and turn it into an F or whatever. – Scott Pilgrim, Scott Pilgrim versus the world 


The quadfecta…


That is… *thinks* … yeah that’s probably is the most Libertarian thing you could come up with… the perfect quadfecta of child labor, fossil fuels, hard drugs and crypto. Well played sir.

Happy libertarian depreciation day. Also… apparently quadfecta is a real word. Who knew?



South Africans make me laugh. Every conversation today will be dominated by how cold it is and how none of us can deal with this hardship…

For the most part we are bundled up like we are about to embark on an assault of the Annapurna Massif, only sans ropes and crampons. Struggling to check our blind-spot when we drive due to sheer volume of layers, every AC cranked up to the maximum setting and cradling hot coffee to ward off the frost bite that we KNOW is imminent. (as Joey pokes his extremities for the tell-tale signs of blackening… or is it reddening… or perhaps the more revealing indicator of an errant toe left behind in his thermal socks)


I mean we will probably survive. Albeit not an assured outcome if based purely on the national mood and the general frigidity of the narrative around the peculator.


The last Republican president of the United States that I kinda liked. How great was this speech.

To be fair… I think I like him (at least partly) because the presidents that followed were all so completely and utterly shit and so I attribute a glow to him that likely is a bit of… psychological voodoo on my part. Also… while being alive during his tenure I was WAAAAAY too young to actually ‘live’ through his tenure…. and so I’ve romanticized it all in my brain.

However… in the devils… Ronald (6) Wilson (6) Reagan (6)… defense he put in the work! And he put A LOT of thought into all his decisions and wrote his thought process down in his journal. Which I found to be a fascinating read.

And yes, I rate him over Obama. I feel the need to add an obligatory defense of my opinion now. I mean I liked Obama… as a person. He was just… *sigh* yeah, he turned out to be more of a political hack than the great steward of liberty that I’d built him out to be… I also kinda blame him for the Trump phenomenon. And yes, I realize he is a lighting rod for my annoyance… and that I’m likely being a bit petulant about his failure to live up to my incredibly high expectations… but you know… petulance is kinda my thing… even if those seeking the highest political office in the world should (in my opinion) be held to superhumanly high standards.

Also, as Stranger Things has illustrated. The 80’s were amazing! Absolutely the BEST time to have grown up in… mostly because it meant hitting adolescence in the early nineties meant you took the Alt rock phenomenon directly to the face. All music since has been lame. Not to say there wasn’t some decent stuff in 00’s. But really, the foundations were laid in the late eightees early ninetees. My ancillary paragraph about how great my life was now done I can likely move on.

All hail ‘The New Colossus’



Let there be love (experts)

Like most people (I imagine) I occasionally glance at the Democratic nominees before slumping back into my glazed perma-fatigue malaise and picking my nose (and then examining it).

Every so often I am tempted go on a verbal rampage about Joe Biden, who, for some insane reason that I cannot fathom, is still leading the polls and how infuriating this is. Admittedly if Bernie was leading in the polls I’d likely be just as apoplectic and foamy.

In the spirit of full disclosure I kinda liked Yang for a while. But, because I am fickle and open to switching allegiance at extremely short notice my new favorite is Marianne Williamson.

Love experts (2).jpg

I think this picture only makes sense if you have a threenage daughter and have therefore watched Frozen more times now than the original Star Wars trilogy.

In all honesty I had no idea Marianne Williamson was even a nominee until recently, there are after all, soooooooooooooo many of them… and they all kinda blur together into this lumpy e pluribus unum creature. Not unlike the beastie from stranger things.

I suppose first off I have to acknowledge the massive internal conflict that exists in my mind between the Ayn Rand objectivist (for lack of a better term*) and the part of me that is incredibly enamored by Marianne Williamson’s rhetoric. These two facets of my personality often don’t play well together, this morning though, the internal libertarian was letting me have my moment in the sun while I listened to Marianne wax on lyrically about her ideology on Dave Rubin’s podcast.

*despite the fact that I don’t really like this particular pigeon hole… and that I think Atlas shrugged (basically the libertarian bible) is one of the most boring books ever written. I know… heresy! 

I wasn’t actually going to listen to this podcast. It didn’t look very interesting AND as much as I have democratic nominee fatigue… I have lost almost all enthusiasm for the IDW. I don’t know exactly why this is, I’m just… over it. Maybe we can still be friends, after we’ve broken up I mean… and while I don’t necessarily want to see other people… listen, its not you… its me. Also I’m sorry. But we had some good times. Even though I wasted money on Jordan Petersons book (which I couldn’t finish)… that still kinda bugs me. But other than that, it was mostly fun.

In any event I’m really glad I did, because it was great. Despite not necessarily agreeing with Marianne, I think she’s a good person. (as much as these things can be surmised over the wireless). I mean we’d likely spar over the economics of her plans. But broadly, I mostly found myself quite receptive to her notions. I mean the libertarian in me prickles at the idea that we aren’t all completely responsible for ourselves… BUT… I appreciate that maybe I could compromise on this… and likely a couple of other things as well. Besides, I am aware, at least on some level, that having NEVER been discriminated against in any way shape or form makes it a difficult concept for me to grasp… so maybe I should just take let slide and be less intractable about the whole thing.

I feel like I’m better off today. Which is a good thing. So thanks for that.

Maybe I should fire someone… just to bring some balance back to the force. Where is my list of vexatious employees? Jesus… is everyone on this list?



Any color as long as its black

Hmm. I didn’t even know there were different iterations of Twix. I always thought there was only the ubiquitous brown milk chocolate. Hmm. I’ve always identified as a chocoholic. Clearly my product knowledge is not as good as I thought it was…


I wish this was actually real. And not just internet tomfoolery… because that would be funny. Although cursory googling and reading some of the comments section reveals some (seemingly) genuine outrage. Which makes me laugh, but at the same time despairing of humanity.

Also, shouldn’t we add the brown milk chocolate twix, you know… for inclusivity purposes. In all honesty I am… eh… was… (okay… the stuff I’ve seen by accident) mostly into Caucasian porn… so I don’t really know how brown schlongs line up in the great inter-phenotype debate on the length and girth of breeding appendages.

I will engage with the slutty girls I know. I’m sure they know this sort of thing.