Looking back on forty years of existence I have learned… eh… learnt… (shit)… realized a couple of things. (this wisdom will now be dispensed in point form forthwith)
- Don’t chop up chilies and then go down on your wife (or probably anyone for that matter)
- Heel cream is NOT toothpaste, even when enclosed in similar packaging with similar viscosity
- If it tastes funny, stop brushing.
- Your child vomiting on you is less onerous than your date vomiting on you. (which is very onerous… especially if you’re both naked)
- Operating on yourself with a pair of nail scissors may not lead to optimum results
- And also infection.
- And finally… your co-workers may be smarter than you give them credit for…
(This decoy didn’t work. Or rather, didn’t work for as long as I had intended)