I only recently learned what a IUD was. (the things I will admit to) Yeah… my knowledge of female reproductive health (which is likely typical of my gender) is apparently quite dismal.
‘Wait… so you put this t-shaped thing wrapped in copper wire up into your lady bits… and that stops you from getting pregnant?’
‘Basically’
*Jo looking horrified* ‘Jesus… that sounds a bit medieval’.
I think its the wrapped in copper wire thing that concerned me. I sorta envisioned a solenoid… or an electromagnet… grafted onto… one of those plastic t-pieces you might use to connect three pieces of garden hose.
‘And that’s… inside you… like permanently?
‘Yeah’
The next thought that occurred to me was… what exactly is the percentile chance that your penis gets snagged on this thing? Vigorous shaking may after all, un-spool the wire, creating a somewhat hostile environment in which to go spelunking…
(I think I just proved, perhaps once and for all, how shallow I actually am)
Of course if there was ANY actual danger to male genitalia this thing would have been banned AGES ago. The patriarchy looks after its own. I take comfort in that.
Still… I can’t believe that this is where we are at in terms of female reproductive health in the year of our lord twenty nineteen
I mean we have flying cars. And mile high black skyscrapers.
Ok, sadly Bladerunner got a couple things wrong about the dystopian future of 2019.
But we do have iPhones and a… eh… work-in-progress notion about colonizing Mars. Surely not getting knocked up should be an easier problem to solve, you know, that doesn’t involve splicing together bits from Home Depot?
Of course I’m just making stuff up. Maybe it is REALLY difficult? Like curing cancer difficult. Or… *thinks* making the perfect sunny side up egg, thats quite hard. Although now that I think about it, poached eggs, where you have to swirl the water, is harder. Maybe that should be my go-to analogy…
I also think this means I’m a feminist now.
In a lip service, put it on my facebook profile, virtue signalling kinda way. *raises his fist* Solidarity and stuff. Yo.
I can’t believe your lives are so… inconvenient. I mean I imagine this is not a do-it-yourself kinda insertion?
Having now imagined that, I don’t really know how to move on from there.
So maybe I’ll just leave it there.
Go Darke 
8 responses to “Not an IED.”
Let me pump up my penile implant and we’ll talk about it.
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Jim… eight inches is plenty! Admittedly I measure penis size in cm.. so 8 inches might be waaaaay tooo much.
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I always wished I had huge balls and a tiny weener. That would be hot.
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Lol. Having now imagined that… I need to go scrub the inside of my brain with bleach and a wire brush. And then maybe set it on fire. Also isn’t that Scrotal elephantiasis…
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Only if your left handed. Right handed would call it microphallic with a cushion.
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ohmygod Jim. I just laughed way too loud.
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Love that there’s dialog with the male species about the pregnancy dilemma. Let’s shift the focus from creating better solutions for women, and put it on creating birth control for men. You know… that way, the pressure’s off us women, who’ve had to deal with it for the last… oh, couple thousand years or so.
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Yeah… I can’t see it happening any time soon. Maybe in another thousand years…. once we’ve been completely tamed and domesticated. I mean we can’t even put the toilet seat down… pick up the wet towel off the bed and clean our stubble out of the sink before it takes on a concrete like consistency…. trusting us with procreating… or rather not procreating is a really bad idea.
And while I am sympathetic to your plight… I’m am way more inclined towards less utopian outcomes…
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