I’m holding a bean bag, that I’ve nuked to basically scalding, to my ear. I’ve got this fierce head cold (courtesy of the pre-school circuit and the penchant of the threenager for bringing home especially virulent pathogens that I have no immunity against). My right ear has been ‘blocked’ since yesterday morning… according to Dr. Google*, this might alleviate the situation. I’m not going to lie to you… I feel pretty stupid. I tired to ‘equalize’ earlier, at one point in my life fancying myself a free-diver, forcing my Eustachian tubes to dilate via pressure feels like it should be my thing. My ear ‘popped’, albeit briefly, before a violent surge of vertigo had me scrambling for the sofa. Sit down before you fall down became the concern of the moment…
* I did once remove a particularly vicious fish bone which had lodged itself in my esophagus by swallowing (basically a whole bag) of marshmallows.
Okay, this is not working. I remain deafeated. (see what I did there) Which is obviously stoking my paranoia, since enemy Ninjas could, unbeknownst to me, enter my personal space from that side. I use the term Ninjas quite loosely, since living on the southern tip of Africa we are somewhat lacking in individuals sporting haberdashery the color of midnight and bristling with feudal cutlery. Although a we have crack addicts who will stab you in the face with a broken bottle which… is less cool than than a Shinobi shadow warrior… but potentially just a vexatious. Especially when they take you by surprise and you’re forced into a very up close and visceral life or death confrontation with someone whose personal hygiene may not be of a standard you’d appreciate in an adversary.
Trust me when I say… you only get a staph infection once before you start seeing the cleanliness conditions as relating to your continued health as a serious concern in your antagonists.
People are super gross. Especially the dirty ones.