Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism

An ode to breakfasts past

It’s cold here today. A freezing wind is whipping down from the snowcapped mountains of Lesotho. Not a day for flip-flops. Which is the first (of many) reasons to be grouchy. Its days like this I miss the bakery near my house the most. It had a dingy, dive bar feel to it… a hole-in-the-wall with the core-values of questionable hygiene and extra bacon, their menus slipped into plastic folders so greyed and bent they were difficult to decipher.

I grouse about it to my wife.

‘You’re never going to let this go are you?’

Me: ‘Never’.

They closed down in December for renovations and never reopened. They had the best coffee. And the most amazing breakfast in the history of the world. I feel about them the way Anthony Bourdain felt about Waffle House. I miss them sooo much.

‘It is indeed marvellous. An irony-free zone where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts, where everybody regardless of race, creed, color, or degree of inebriation, is welcomed. Its warm yellow glow, a beacon of hope and salvation inviting the hungry, the lost, the seriously hammered, all across the south, to come inside. A place of safety and nourishment. It never closes. It is always, always faithful, always there, for you

– Anthony Bourdain, narrating his Waffle House experience

I also miss Anthony Bourdain*. All the people I like are dead. Christopher Hitchens. Anthony Bourdain. Theodore Roosevelt. Admittedly the latter has been long dead. I hope to join them one day. In the feast halls of Valhalla.

*I reference him so much he should probably get his own category.

We end up ordering UberEats. Which gets delivered in a blue Uno Fiat held together with… well probably mould. And maybe duct tape in the areas of substantial structural regress.

The universe is trying to placate me. I smile… but it’s not the same.



  1. theceaselessreaderwrites


    Mr. Bourdain put an awfully rosy spin on Waffle House, frequently referred to in these parts as the Awful Waffle. Have you ever dined in one, Jo?

    1. Jo


      No I never have. Ha ha. I just thought it was probably quite a mundane thing… and that Mr. Bourdains prose was probably quite flattering.

      I do think, however, that in my old age my standards of eating have dropped significantly. I sometimes dream about carbohydrates now.

  2. The Pink Agendist


    So… you didn’t mention missing any Germans. Or Chermans as my Cherman neighbours pronounced it. Are you trying to hide your affiliations?

    1. Jo


      I go through phases. Sometimes I’m incognito… other times less so… depending on… eh… the prevailing winds maybe. I like to think I’m enigmatic. (as opposed to just a dumb-ass)

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