Go Darke

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it

Fundamental Joeyism


It’s the last of days of… well… something. I’m back from my warehouse. The auctioneers are there, doing their thing. The sale of my company has gone through and all the stuff that wasn’t part of that deal is being auctioned off this week. It should all be done and dusted by the end of the month.

I thought I might have had mixed feeling about the whole thing. Or perhaps some sense of relief or just… something. But I’m weirdly buoyancy-neutral about the whole state of play. Maybe all those emotions are just being counter balanced by a deep sense of ‘now-what?’.

… and to be honest. I have no idea.

I’d had this notion that I would use the pandemic and subsequent lockdown to find myself and discover a new sense of purpose. That hasn’t really happened. In fact, I’m not entirely sure where the last three (or is it four?) months have gone. Thats not to say I haven’t done anything. I’ve registered a new company… with the an idea to do… something… maybe. And I’ve been doing some, I don’t want to call it freelance… it more like commission based agency work. Plus I’ve been trading on and off, but with the kids around this has been supremely challenging to make a proper go of it. Really, for the most part, I’ve just been pottering around in the garden or playing playstation.

Added to this whole sense of motivation purgatory is the profound sense that South Africa is, day by day, creeping ever closer to the edge of the precipice that is a failed nation-state. Which is obviously problematic for a myriad of reasons. I have, after all, a responsibility to my kids to make sure they grow up in a stable and safe environment… and I don’t think South Africa ticks all those boxes anymore.

*sigh* I mean I really like where I live. It warm and pretty and theres something about Africa that really gets under your skin. BUT… the big picture stuff is looking increasingly scary and it looks like it might start to blot out the sun soon, so to speak. Once you have a family, your appetite for risk diminishes significantly (which it should).

So at forty one I find myself having to, not just reinvent myself but make all these… decisions. Ergh. And really, I don’t wanna. I want to crawl back into my blanket fort and play with my He-man action figures… which… actually it would just be Skeletor, because I was never into the ‘good’ guys.


What would Skeletor do? Well… probably concoct some sort of elaborate scheme to enslave Eternia. But then would be let down by his incompetent staff. Or foiled by Prince Adams alter-ego.

Which, annoyingly, isn’t really all that helpful as a decision making matrix.

Maybe I should consult the A-team instead?

Hmmm. BA says he ‘ain’t getting on no airplane’.

Which… is probably sage advice. Under the present circumstances.



  1. crustytuna


    I suddenly have vivid memories of playing with that Skeletor figurine as a kid in my babysitter’s basement.
    These sound like hard, grown up decisions. Where would you go? Such a tiny and big space, this planet…

    1. Jo


      I’ve been toying with your country actually. The people are nice (and I love nice people) and totally less crazy than your southern neighbours.

      Atlantic Canada has an interesting looking programme at the moment which we are looking at. NS, PEI maybe. I like that neck of the woods.

      1. crustytuna


        Ooh, that is an excellent neck of the woods indeed! (but it gets kinda cold… I thought you didn’t like the cold?) The nicest people in our country live there though 😊#truth

      2. Jo


        I don’t mind the cold. As long as its outside. Ha. Here, especially in Jo’burg (we are a 1600mtrs about sea-level) it drops to about 0C at night. The days are still nice though, yesterday was a high of 22C. The downside we have is that none of our houses are built for the cold and have zero insulating properties (and are usually draughty to boot) Plus they’re all made out of brick so they stay cold all day…

        So for two months of the year we are bundled up like Michelin men… inside our homes. Which sucks.

        So really I only resent being cold inside my own home. If I lived somewhere where once I came inside and shed my layers it was nice and toasty I would be totally happy.

        I love ice-hockey, maple syrup and donuts… so I think I would make an excellent Canadian. Ha ha.

      3. crustytuna


        Hm, I think I’d hate the cold if that were the situation here..because you can basically never get warm??
        There is something so lovely about stepping out of -22C weather into a warm house.
        Best of luck with your decision-making, and if you do come to Canada, may the transition be a smooth and anxiety-free experience, with lots of donuts and maple syrup and hockey. And you’ll have to make a trip to BC for some bike park riding, though there are apparently some decent trails in NS… πŸ™‚

      4. Jo


        I will definitely hold you to this. Although, I will likely feel intimidated by your mad skilz and pretty bike. Ha ha.

      5. crustytuna


        just the pretty bike. the skilz are middling…but seriously, come to Canada!

      6. Jo


        Trust me, if they’ll have me, I’ll come. Their immigration requirements are… weird. But theoretically at least attainable. πŸ™‚

  2. erroneouschoices


    Your destination? It’s pretty here in san diego.
    ❀️ For your circumstances.

    1. Jo


      I love SD. The weather is probably very similar to here… and theres an awesome grappling gym in Midway… and comic con! I think of loads of reasons πŸ˜€

      Downside is at least half of the states is seriously crazy. Ha ha. I mean they probably always have been… but it just feels, I don’t know… less restrained these days.

      I always imagined I’d live somewhere in North America one day… when I’m big…

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