It’s the last of days of… well… something. I’m back from my warehouse. The auctioneers are there, doing their thing. The sale of my company has gone through and all the stuff that wasn’t part of that deal is being auctioned off this week. It should all be done and dusted by the end of the month.
I thought I might have had mixed feeling about the whole thing. Or perhaps some sense of relief or just… something. But I’m weirdly buoyancy-neutral about the whole state of play. Maybe all those emotions are just being counter balanced by a deep sense of ‘now-what?’.
… and to be honest. I have no idea.
I’d had this notion that I would use the pandemic and subsequent lockdown to find myself and discover a new sense of purpose. That hasn’t really happened. In fact, I’m not entirely sure where the last three (or is it four?) months have gone. Thats not to say I haven’t done anything. I’ve registered a new company… with the an idea to do… something… maybe. And I’ve been doing some, I don’t want to call it freelance… it more like commission based agency work. Plus I’ve been trading on and off, but with the kids around this has been supremely challenging to make a proper go of it. Really, for the most part, I’ve just been pottering around in the garden or playing playstation.
Added to this whole sense of motivation purgatory is the profound sense that South Africa is, day by day, creeping ever closer to the edge of the precipice that is a failed nation-state. Which is obviously problematic for a myriad of reasons. I have, after all, a responsibility to my kids to make sure they grow up in a stable and safe environment… and I don’t think South Africa ticks all those boxes anymore.
*sigh* I mean I really like where I live. It warm and pretty and theres something about Africa that really gets under your skin. BUT… the big picture stuff is looking increasingly scary and it looks like it might start to blot out the sun soon, so to speak. Once you have a family, your appetite for risk diminishes significantly (which it should).
So at forty one I find myself having to, not just reinvent myself but make all these… decisions. Ergh. And really, I don’t wanna. I want to crawl back into my blanket fort and play with my He-man action figures… which… actually it would just be Skeletor, because I was never into the ‘good’ guys.
What would Skeletor do? Well… probably concoct some sort of elaborate scheme to enslave Eternia. But then would be let down by his incompetent staff. Or foiled by Prince Adams alter-ego.
Which, annoyingly, isn’t really all that helpful as a decision making matrix.
Maybe I should consult the A-team instead?
Hmmm. BA says he ‘ain’t getting on no airplane’.
Which… is probably sage advice. Under the present circumstances.