Fundamental Joeyism

Fundamental Joeyism

All whimsical and miscellaneous posts that can’t be neatly (and often not so neatly) shoved into another category end up here. Their fate is to be collated under the auspicious (or perhaps suspicious) quasi-ideological and deeply idiosyncratic category of Fundamental Joey-ism(tm). All rights reserved. All wrongs and green, wobbly things sent back.


Kill the programmers, save the world – Joeys plan to save the world in one fell swoop. Although being the intractable creatures they are it is unlikely they will traverse towards the light enthusiastically and in single file.

Love your anemone – Decrying the lack of a serious nemesis. As one does.

The healing prowess of the Basset Hound – Spurious canine pseudo medicine.

Where is my mind? – Like the Pixies song.

I have become death – Destroyer of pine cones.

Discworldian physics – Our precarious situation.

Apathesism – The religion of not caring.

Wisdom of the aged – Because I’m so damn old now, I know stuff.

In the Kaiju we trust – Godzilla and the Mechapope.

Cannibalism – Dog walking and life boat ethics Venn diagram overlap.

Educational toys – Edged weapons for Christmas.

Pastry and Lupus – These are a few of my favorite things.

Bathtub Bushido – Wrangling your creatures.

Runs with Wolves – Important life lessons.

Running up that hill – A evolutionary case for not running.

Not Jason – Apparently.

Mountain bikes and mixed metaphors – Disturbingly pornographic.

The animals went in two by two – Because two is enough.

Minimalism – You know, stuff.

Whats in a word – The other N word. (Nazi)

Monday coping mechanism – Patent pending. Assuming I survive I mean.

Fifteen love – Grass, Clay or rubble strewn streets.

Rise of the robotic pot plant – If y’all want to buy me something for my birthday.

Collective insanity – The people we choose to be our paragons.

Humanity v2.0 – Things are getting dire.

Iron oh knee – Phonetic spelling ftw.

Finally… – a religion I can get behind.

Don’t quote me on this – I want to stay on Ralph Waldo Emerson’s good side.

Subjectively awake – Plug me in. I’m ready.

Metal is dead. It just hasn’t gone to heaven yet. – How did I defy physics?

Embracing the suck – Books with big words.

Evolutionary prerogative – We used to be wolves…

Introspection – It happens. From time to time. Okay, this is the first time.

The dramatization of an otherwise trivial event – Going towards the light.

Abnormal behavior – Also known as retirement.

The Batman experience – Not what I was expecting.

Musings of a Neckbeard – Because you know Neckbeards muse… about stuff.

Things girls can’t do – Misogyny. It took me about five tries to spell that correctly.

I’m batman – Coffee.

Adulting – I do try. I’m just not very good at it.

Llama poetry – Because I’m a polymath. That means multi-skilled right?

Black Jesus – Joey takes a stab at offending everyone.

Revenge of the Black Llama – MORE poetry. God I’m good at this.

Mandatory reading – For everyone who dispenses advice.

Purveyors of domesticated male bovine excrement – Fucken twitter.

Great openers – Right up there with the best (of the best)

Mindfulness benchmark – I got this.

Polyethylene nightmare – Put me in charge. I’ll fix everything.

Project : Yeard – Joey grows a beard. Sorta.

Bread – Basically the best thing ever.

Racist statues – Because everyone else has thoughts about this. And I didn’t want to feel left out.

Black. Like my soul – And sometimes toast.

Some pretty serious accusations – I mean I’m probably guilty as charged.

It was the breast of times – I am a fan, obviously. Except when they surprise you.

Enemies – One of the better memes I’ve seen.

Good deeds rarely result in hotdogs – Joey picks up a hitchhiker, and lives.

Not of the apocalypse – I am a dumbass.

Can’t keep a good wyrm down – Lots of unanswered questions though.

Standby for transmission – Joeys rockstar lifestyle.

Monikers – Ex cons.

Spawn of Satan – Also known as left handed people.

Irreverent Easter post – Cause I gotta.

En passant – Chess moves and fisticuffs.

Life moves pretty fast… – Intermittent fasting. More or less.

Always look on the bright side of (the black) death – Like the Monty Python song.

Contrivication – Made up words.

Avo-nomics – Joey the migrant laborer.

Ilse – Throwback Thursday.

Deadly peanut – I should have been a surgeon. Or maybe a butcher.

Owl by myself – Owls are stupid. Well… at least the ones in my warehouse are.

Not a star – David Koresh. Lead guitar.

Machinations – I post a lot about bread these days.

Make me beautiful – A challenging undertaking at best.

As if we didn’t have enough problems – Seek souls elsewhere dark lord.

Double take – Wait… whaaat?

Black Russians – The demographic, not the alcoholic beverage.

White Dudes – This is how we roll now. Sadly.

Everyone is awesome – You just gotta believe it.

Rage level – expert – Probably fake though. Because everything is fake.

Thrillin’ Heroics – That one time I did a good thing.

The dystopian future – Called it!

Suffer little children – On demand television is making our children weaker.

Chop chop – I really should have been a surgeon.

Bent out of shape – X-men is dead to me. Again.

Minimalist email – Just delete everything and feign ignorance.

Got milk? – How low will you go?

Return of the bachelor – Joey is left alone and unsupervised.

… day two – Things start to get a little weird.

… day three – Consumerism.

I’m a survivor – The victory lap.

Sleep study – This is exactly what its like.

Shark bait – Freakin’ sharks. Regular sharks though. Sans laser-beams.

Not an IED – Let it not be said that I don’t learn new stuff every day.

Any color as long as its black – This should be a thing.

Frostbite – Braving the frigid Johannesburg winter.

Half blocked – Which I suppose is better than half-cocked… right?

Unintended consequences of an inconvenient truth – Al fucken Gore.

For the glory of Bast – Creepy cats. *shudder*

Reading corner – Read.

An eye for an eye – When you erect a statue of me… this is what I want.

I saw the sign – And it opened up my mind…

Jackassery – In which Joey break his foot.

Dutch courage – … and then whines about it.

For those about to rock… – Ergh.

Atheist at a funeral – Basically me every time someone dies.

Unbreakable – Painkillers are amazing. Who knew.

Burn it down – To the ground.

Health and Safety – This seems like a reasonable warning.

Sandwiches – I am a sandwich conservative. How awful for me.

The story of Perseus – Throwback.

O Fortuna – Having my fortune read.

Green juice equivalency – Back from my internet hiatus.

JoJo – Movies about my people with titles from my name-sake. How exciting.

Vegetables. And stuff – Why are vegetarians not millionaire?

Paper or plastic – Preferably neither obviously.

What went wrong – Hillary.

Human centipede technique – They probably deserve this. And more. Probably.

Mastery – One day I will be a master (of the universe).

Dr. Livingstone I presume – This could have ended badly for me. Assumption is the mother of all… eh…

Phariasism – I don’t think I spelled that right.

Math – My only weakness. Oh and bullets.

Greta is watching – And she is not impressed with you.

Winners – Trans-athletes suck.

6 Minute mile – Easy peasy, Japaneasy.

All things fowl – Wealthy neighbor problems.

Educational toys – I never got swords for Christmas. I had to buy my own.

Rain, rain… – Go away. Come back another day.

Happy new year – Make this your year.

Rick-rolled – Ricky Gervais is great.

THIS is – CNN.

Tsukahara Bokuden – Princess knights and pot lids.

Color me interested – Middle east peace, no problem. Hand me that red crayon.

The lamentations of the unreachable – Its been nice.

Christmas cheer – The German does not appreciate your efforts.

Sex with Nietszche – Ha ha.

Pompeii v2.0 – We would embarrass future generations.

Childhood fears – I have many more reasonable concerns these days.

Hippo-crass-see – Google knows!

Glorious – Glory, glory hallelujah.

Relationship advice – I should just start a relationship advice blog. I know stuff.

Poles – Winged Hussars and panzer phobic.

The power of empathy – NOT how we used to play Dungeons and Dragons.

Lists – How to manage your husband.

Girls – Me in my twenties.

Why short girlfriends are the best – I mean there are unquestionably benefits here.

Milestones – Growing old is not for the faint of heart.